We all experience Pain.. It varies in depth. Width. Severity. Reasons for having them. But they are all the same. Pain – that excruciating feeling next to death. I have been through my own share of Pain(s) in my life. The Pain of losing my Father. Pain of almost losing a mother. Pain of Separation. And perhaps, more people may even have rather worse stories than I had. You see, Pain is not bad after all. Through Pain we realize that we are humans – we get wounded - we bleed – not like some superheroes all covered with those iron sheets that no bullet can get through. Pain is like holding a glass half-filled with water. The longer you hold onto it, the more tiring you feel and the heavier it seemingly gets. But take note – it was the same glass you were holding from the start. So with this parallelism, I have managed to come out from what I called my “doom” to “bloom” even more.
“The Awakening”
I can’t remember now when was that day I stopped crying over my devastating break-up. I just now have come to believe that as in all things in this world – even “that” awful stage had finally come to end. (February Blog explains it all). I must have prayed like forever in tears everyday and God heard my cry one day. Suddenly I saw myself in the mirror with my cheeks having that pink blush again which signified life back to my almost zombie state before then. Little by little I regained my appetite for my passions (and, thankfully, even appetite for real food): photography – behind (and in front of. Haha!) the cam.; writing my thoughts; and most of all, I found myself serving in a charismatic community again. True enough, it came with gallons of tears and prayers of course. But 1 more thing that helped really is – my choice and strong determination to rebuild my life all over. I only lost a relationship. I still have my life (and a lot more wonderful people in it). It’s NOT the end of the world. These lines convicted me. With these, I stood up, picked up my broken self and started rebuilding the ruins.
“Rebuilding yourself from the Ruins”
You know that feeling when you experience death of a loved one, then after the burial suddenly you are all alone with no companion but with the rather opposite feelings of grief and hope? That’s more likely the emotion at this stage. Grief – you will still feel twinges every now and then. It may come with the weather on some gloomy/rainy days. Hope – next to the realization that you cannot bring back something you lost comes the prayer that one day, you can attain that happiness back in your life again – that you will come to learn of the beautiful cause of that pain you went through. At that stage, I did not only let go of the person, but I also let go of the need to know why. I just fully trusted that God’s BEST is yet to come – that if I was happy with that person, all the more God promises even a higher form of happiness with either the person or the life that He has prepared for me. This part, I believe is the most wonderful thing in this “transformational experience”- when I finally gave up to God the pen on one of the special aspects in my life – and with this I would like to quote the lines from a book by Erick & Leslie Ludy “When God Writes your Love Story” which says “ I am the Author of True Love; I am the Creator of Romance… You have searched for true love in your own way. But my ways are not your ways. I want to script a beautiful tale just for you, but first you must trust Me with the pen of this precious area of your life. Will you let Me write your love story?” There you go, I got the best Captain of my Love Boat, who else than Love Himself – my Sweet God.
At this stage, I began to look at the bright side of life and love and realized that before I can expect love from other people, I got to have it for myself first. Realizing that someone loved me first, unconditionally and accepted my imperfections and inequities, I felt like I owed God to love myself and appreciate my worth. On the aftermath, the very thing that most people face is regaining back their self-worth – telling yourself that You are certainly worth more than what you were worth to that person. And for you to achieve that goal – you have to help yourself and keep reminding yourself that you have the whole world and the Creator of the World to prove that for you. At first, every step seems like a conscious effort from you. After a while, it will become your way of life.
God with all His amazing ways paved the way for my healing. He had to break my soul in order that I find myself whole again only through His Love. He brought more wonderful people, which opened for more beautiful relationships for me. And with a bit of sprinkles of love from Cupid – I realized that true enough – God’s taste is always better than mine. For now, I keep praying that He would continue to mold me into the person that He wills me to be and prepare me for the wonderful things He has lined up for me.
“Waking up to a Glorious Morning”
Here comes the part when I am already looking forward to each waking moment holding on to God’s Promise that “the Best is yet to come”. Truly, each page in my life book unfolds with little surprises along the way. Certainly the Author of my life has made it in a way that each opening becomes exciting and keeps me wanting for more. At this stage, I have outdone my old self. I have been reaffirmed of my worth. Looking back now, I could say with my whole heart: “Lord, I would not have gone through and done it in any other way but Your way.” It’s like when we see a storm approaching and we see everything on our surrounding cluttered and shattered into pieces, we often panic and lose heart. But when we allow ourselves to be drawn into the very eye of the storm while holding on to God, we feel so much at peace. We are at our strongest point. All the more we feel serene after the storm, as we have come to accept that God can do more amazing things in our life if we let Him do - That His ways are above our ways.
As in the best manifestation of God's redeeming Love, He gave His only Son that we may have life. Death of His Son for our Eternal Life. Do you know what this tells us? It tells us that Jesus already paid the price. As Christ experienced Pain and Humiliation when He was crucified, God promised to raise Him up on the Third day. In the same way, no matter what Pain we experience in life, God promises to restore us back and bring healing into our lives. Pain is just a part of His Grand Plan for us. We are not to dwell on it. We may be calloused by life’s whippings and seared with scars, but God has always something wonderful to bring out from them, if you let Him do. We have to use this pain and allow Him to transform us into the best persons we can be. This is the promise of Easter for me – that after the Pain and Sufferings out comes a Beautiful me. I was Broken made Beautiful by God’s Unconditional Love. Now everything starts making sense to me. And when I still feel twinges every now and then, I know that I just have to look at the cross to remind me of my worth.
“Attraversiamo ” my Crossing Over
Now that I have been healed and my heart’s back up and beating perfectly again, I am looking forward to the sailor my Captain would send to cross over to other side of love with me. This chapter is God’s work in progress yet. J More stories from my Author to share. For now, I would like to give my God a BIG hug for the Healing Grace. I honor You Father for a job well done in me so far. Thank You for not giving up on me and for showing me the way to experiencing the Greatest Love there is - Your Love.
