My First, My Ultimate, My One Original True Love…

Few days ago seemed like waking up in the morning and dragging myself through my mundane life. I saw no light coming through my window. Nothing’s good running in my head. My heart felt so heavy that I can hardly breathe a few times in a day. I had the worst back pain ever. Darkness filled my sky. My eyes were blinded by despair and frustrations. Tears would just roll down my cheeks uncontrollably. Everything seemed just not right. I was in panic mode. I sought refuge in silence while deep inside I was screaming. Broken. Lost. Wished someone could hear what I wasn’t saying. I just want to shut everything else off. Thought that in doing so I could find peace. I decided to go to mass every morning. Tuesday – I was inside the church but my head was somewhere else. Like miles away from where I was sitting at that moment. Wednesday – slowly my heart started to listen. Thursday – a miracle happened. After 2 years, I have looked at myself closely in the mirror again and I noticed a different person now. Strangely, I started to feel something lightened up inside. And there in the stillness of my heart: God spoke to me “my child, you are where I intended you to be. What you are now is my gift to you.” Then suddenly, in spontaneity, I uttered a sincere prayer from my heart: “Lord, make me fall in love, again!” (Frankly, even I myself was shocked with what I just prayed for. That wasn't my prayer 2 months back. :|) From that moment on, I see joy in my smile again. I felt gladness in my heart as I started to literally count my blessings in my life. I posted some pictures of wonderful moments, people and blessings I received this year. Then I realized – my blessings outnumbered my trials – all my reasons to be unhappy. With this Joy in my heart, I found myself praying like before – connected once again to my God. Gratefulness enveloped my being. I was convicted for having little faith in Him - that inconveniences or trials had shaken me easily. I have forgotten that the God who was with me through all my trials before is the same God who is holding my hand now, still. Friday – I myself was surprised at how joyful I was which manifested in the way I dealt with people and how I looked at things. I felt secured and at peace affirmed that God is in control. Saturday – woke up excited to pay forward and give God back all the Glory, Honor and Praise. I just can’t contain it – I had to shout how blessed I am to be loved by Him – my faithful lover of my soul. Sunday – I woke up and found myself with so much love to give away. I decided to cook for a dear brother as my birthday gift. Then talk after talk, sharing after sharing I was moved to gratefulness all the more. I felt like my heart went throbbing upon hearing Sister Elizabeth exclaimed, “You are a Prayer” to somebody’s need – an answer to someone else’s prayer. Many times in my life, I had been overwhelmed with my own personal concerns and worries and there I was being reminded that there is a greater calling than my own prayers for myself – that I do not live for my own self only – that without me knowing it – I am making a difference in someone else’s life. I giggled all the more at the thought that God’s love is original – that like a persistent suitor (He can never be outdone!) He will never give up on me – until He wins my heart back to Him where it rightfully belongs. And that He loves me despite and because of my imperfections and shortcomings. In one of the moments of reflection, I was blessed to experience a beautiful vision. I was in a place somewhere I would imagine as Heaven and I am the little Love2 again (little me). I felt puny standing before a big man seated dressed in dazzling white garment. Then He bent down, held me up and placed me at his left lap. The man I saw was Jesus. I was suddenly my 29-year-old self again. I wrapped my arms around His neck and tilted my head on His shoulder. Then I noticed something glowing like a red ball of fire somewhere in His chest. I asked “Can I touch it?” He said, “Sure Love, that is where you reside - your eternal home. That’s my Sacred Heart.” I cried as I looked at His eyes and there I saw the True Love that I have been yearning and praying for all these times. I felt humbled realizing how unworthy I was to receive His love yet He chose to love me through the Cross that he bore for me. Truly, God’s love is amazing. He looks beyond my frailties and shortcomings. He embraces them lovingly. He loves me Best. God’s unconditional Love is my Life’s Greatest and Ultimate Blessing! And now my prayer would only be – for me to fall in love with Him over and over again and that I will walk with Him for the rest of my life. "When love takes you in everything changes..A miracle starts with the beat of a heart.."


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