My Thoughts on Finding Love
"Test Mic. 1, 2. Test. This is Dr. Love signing on."
Well, well, it's been a while since I spent quite some time pondering about the most magical and amazing thing in the world called L.O.V.E. My favorite word that WAS.
I admit that I had intentionally shut off all passages through which the longing for love can overrule me. By all means, I wanted to forget about all the pressures and the banters about my seemingly critical relationship status. In short, I have kept my heart activity status dormant.
So, should I feel bad about myself? Err.. not really. I ain't gonna throw some pity party. Nah. Let's face it, not everyone who is single and desires to find love needs to be in a relationship. Or lemme rephrase that - "is ready to be in a relationship". Don't get me wrong here. It's not like I play around or something. NO. That's not me. I figured I am not quite sure if I am ready to be committed to someone. I am scared to give away a part of myself and end up being vulnerable again. It is as scary as hell! (Exag intended.)
Perhaps, it could be due to the trauma from the past (yay!) or just because I've learned to appreciate my worth over the years, and hence I now know what I deserve, at the very least.
Funny but recently I came to realize a few things on Finding Love:
- You cannot rely on Love to fill in a deficit that you feel about yourself. The first and most important thing to do in finding love is to love yourself, enough to know what you deserve. You have to embrace your own kind of person, quirks included. Never change to fit into someone's preference or ideal of a partner. You need to feel secured and happy about yourself first. When you love yourself you'd know how to be a better lover to another person. (Thanks to my best friend, Melizza for this reminder! :D)
- Only those who brave the odds and take chances find Love in the end. If I'd never go out of my comfort zone, I may never afford myself a chance at love. Love is a gamble.
- There is always that someone who will see you in a special way. I 'd like to believe that every woman has that secret desire of being pursued. Albeit I think that I am empowered and entitled to make things happen, but I still wish for a knight of chivalry to come my way, someone who knows about the code of courtly love. And yes, I was convinced that there is indeed that one man who will woo you. He may not be the person you expect to sweep you off your feet, but he will make you appreciate your worth all the more.
- Everyone may hurt you. You just need to find someone who will be worth all the risks. Getting hurt is part of loving. It is inevitable. The perfect partner DOES NOT exist. Find someone who will cast out all your fears in love, not because he promises you of the absence of pain but because he will make your every leap for love worth-it.
And so I keep on walking through my journey to finding my LOVE... Soon, a new chapter unfolds... And I await. :)