My Journey with Endometriosis
My older sister asked me the other night if I am pregnant. Her question made me laugh at first as I knew very well that is impossible to happen at this time. She pointed out my big tummy on the photo I sent her. This suddenly reminded me of my condition and I felt sad and helpless.
Early this year I began to feel excruciating pain in my lower abdomen as if I was having cramps every single day. It was like menstrual cramps but experiencing it on a daily basis. It was so painful that I had to bring myself to the ER amidst the COVID scare and curfew to have myself checked. The doctors could not clearly point me to the root cause and I could not book for any specialist either to see me. 3 months into my daily pains, I made a decision to come back to Ontario to see my specialist and then came the diagnosis. Apparently, I have a condition called Endometriosis.
When I heard the news, I first felt relieved it was not as bad as I expected but little did I know then the disruptions it will bring to my life. Endometriosis is surprisingly fairly normal according to my research and I heard from friends I personally talked to about it that at least one of the people they know has it. I had the symptoms since I was growing up, it was just a case of late diagnosis on my part.
With this condition, I am prone to physical exhaustion, fatigue, back pains and the most noticeable is my bloated stomach. It becomes disruptive that at some point, I suspected I had COVID because I was always feeling tired and unwell. I also came to realize that it is changing my body. I now have a bulgy tummy that it makes me look like I am pregnant, though I have been eating less and trying to be healthy. It is as if I am no longer in control of my body.
And though this condition has controlled my body and to some extent my mind, I know I have the power to not let it control my life and stop me from living it to the fullest. I was made aware of certain risks that come with this condition like not being able to conceive a child and that actually is my biggest fear. I was affirmed of my deepest desire to be a mother in 2017 when I was discerning for religious life. Back then, I knew in my heart I was being called to family life. Fast forward to today, I am onto my journey to having a family as I am soon getting married and I am offering my heart's desire to God. We are praying for a miracle of healing and the gift of a child in His most perfect time.
With this sharing is my hope for all those of you out there who are struggling with a storm or a difficult situation in your life that you may find the grace to get through it.